How To Move Through Your Triggers Faster
All of us get triggered from time to time—we’re only human! And yet, it’s clear that acting from our triggers doesn’t result in the behaviors and outcomes we want. What can we do to come out of our triggers faster and do less damage in the process?
Please note: These suggestions are intended to support with minor emotional triggers and reactivity, and are not applicable for severe triggers, debilitating nervous system dysregulation, symptoms of PTSD, etc.
Whether it’s a small thing we have a disproportionately big reaction to, or something genuinely big that brings up a lot of layers for us to work through, being triggered doesn’t feel good. Not only that, but it doesn’t allow us to show up how we want to. When we’re triggered, we can’t think clearly or act from the most resourceful, capable parts of our brain. We go back to our survival instincts: the impulses, bad habits, and knee-jerk reactions that usually only make things worse. How do we interrupt this cycle and pivot toward a healthier response?
For starters, here’s one of the most useful things I’ve discovered about triggers:
We experience pain in relation to the thoughts we’re having, not the events that are occurring.
Take that one in.
We often think it’s what someone said or did that set us off, but that’s not actually true—it’s what we tell ourselves about what happened that actually pushes our buttons and gets under our skin.
Words and behaviors have an impact of course, but when we’re in a triggered state, the majority of our pain and reactivity is actually coming from a thought inside of us about those words and behaviors. Strangely, our own negative thought patterns are what bring us the most emotional pain!
Luckily, we can use our mind to trace each of our thoughts back to its root, where the true pain lies. And when we do this, we can relieve some of our pain and bring ourselves back toward a more balanced, grounded state.
How does this work? Let’s say you’re triggered by something—you’re losing your cool, your heartrate’s going up, you’re getting reactive, etc. The moment you catch it, stop and ask yourself:
What am I telling myself?
For me, there are usually many different things I’m telling myself when I’m triggered. If I have the space to journal and write out exactly what I’m telling myself, this is immensely helpful because it puts me in direct contact with the thoughts that are stimulating pain for me. Because once again, others’ behavior and words may have impact, but the bulk of my pain comes from the thoughts, meanings, and interpretations I create inside my own head. The more honest I can be with myself about these stories, the faster I can move through my trigger.
Sometimes this simple first question already brings me significant relief. However, if it doesn’t, then I go a layer deeper:
If that’s true, what am I afraid will happen?
In this question, I’m trying to identify my worst case scenario. I’m looking for my doomsday stories, my dreaded nightmare, the thing I’m most afraid of… whatever it is I’m telling myself might happen if all of my original stories from the first question are true. I follow my thought process down the rabbit hole into that deep dark place inside, to root out the fears that are actually fueling my trigger.
Now, be warned: when you uncover these fears, you can expect it to be uncomfortable. You can also expect them to be dramatic, unreasonable, and (99% of the time) just plain untrue. Our subconscious is often filled with inaccurate interpretations about life that once served in protecting us from vulnerability in our early years, but now no longer apply or serve us in our adult lives.
The fears you unearth may be (probably will be) out of touch with reality. But don’t discount them! Take the raw emotion they carry seriously. Your doomsday stories contain genuine, honest emotion, no matter how irrational or untrue they are. The more present you can be with the underlying feelings, the faster you will move through and come out of your trigger. This emotional presence with yourself is the crucial final step:
Feel the emotional release of acknowledging your fears.
As the saying goes, you’ve gotta feel it to heal it. Be gentle with yourself and try to stay as nonjudgmental as possible about your fears. Stay present and offer yourself empathy for whatever painful feelings you uncover, and breathe your way through it. We all have pain that lives underneath our triggers—our triggers are there to protect us from feeling emotional vulnerability. Be grateful to yourself that you are being brave enough to look for the root of this pain, feel your way through it, and move toward healing.
You can use this process any time you find yourself feeling triggered. It may not be accessible to you in the exact moment of your trigger, but you can always go back in hindsight, review the scenario, and walk yourself through these steps:
1. What am I telling myself?
2. If that’s true, what am I afraid will happen?
3. Be present, gentle, and compassionate with yourself as you feel the emotion.
As you find the courage to unpack your triggers, identify the stories you’ve created, and release them by feeling the feelings underneath, you will come into a more balanced state and have more capacity to respond to life in ways that feel aligned for you. You’ll have more inner resources to draw on, and more ability to make kind, intelligent, responsible choices.
Let me know how it goes unpacking your triggers! I’d love to hear your stories.